"UNCLE!!!!!!"

They said it would happen. They said I would probably find an assignment while subbing that I would not return to... I thought it might have been PE - but I would do it again even though it was not my favorite thing ever. I had one fourth grade assignment that was more than a little rough - but I would still return to that room and try it again. I had a fine day in the "behavioral room" a traditional "I'm not going back there - you can't make me" assignment for subs. So imagine my surprise to learn that the one thing I will not be doing again after tomorrow (because I have already given my word) is returning to a Pre-K room. I finally found the one thing that will make me exercise my right as a sub to just say no.

"Boys and Girls, this is Happy the Tooth! Do you know why he is happy?"
"That's his name"
"Yes, that's right - his name is Happy and he IS happy - because he is healthy. How do we keep our teeth healthy?"
"Exercise"
"Exercise helps keep us healthy, that's true - what else?"
"Food"
"What kind of food"
"Cupcakes"
"Boys and girls, raise your hand if you think cupcakes are a healthy choice for our teeth." Half the class raises their little hands and the other half does not.
"I think we can choose something better" One student has a quivering lip...
"My tooth isn't happy"
"It's ok to have a cupcake once in a while if we BRUSH our teeth - but we should try to choose things like apples for snacks to keep our teeth super healthy"

Maybe it is crazy - but spending the day talking about Happy the Tooth and telling 3 and 4 year olds to keep their hands to themselves 6 million times in the space of an hour and trying to figure out how to play with them is not my idea of a day well-spent. Don't misunderstand me - on NO LEVEL am I impugning the efforts of those brave souls who do this on a day to day basis. In fact I admire and respect their ability to reach these little hearts and minds - but I am not able to fill their shoes even a little bit and maintain any kind of sanity.

A little while later - believe it or not - we had one student lose her first tooth ever. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle - out comes the tooth. Hurray! Little Suzie lost her tooth... Little Mary sees blood and starts screaming because Suzie is bleeding. OMG. Someone please - shoot me. It is a quicker death...

I seriously don't know how anyone can do that day after day after day....

So I am crying "Uncle". Tomorrow will be my last day in Pre-K. Ever.

(A special thank you to TaiChiInstructorFriend who was able to put up with my crabipotimus attitude last evening and restore my good humor... )

I want to be a farmer...

We are webkinz-addicted here. All three of us have Webkinz and keep up our own little worlds on a fairly regular basis. I could say that I have one to keep my finger on the pulse of what the kids like - but that would be somewhat less than honest. Truth is - the games on there are about all I can handle - Cash Cow being my super-fave. What is really funny is that Ron has one. Actually, he has two. For months he ignored his - until recently he found a game on there that he likes (I think it is Zingoz POP or something to that effect) and has been on there periodically.

So - one evening a week or so ago, I walk in to the living room and there is Ron on his MacBook Pro surfing the web happily. He says to me "I think I am going to be a farmer." My brain immediately assumes he has lost his damn mind. I mean seriously... he just gets this big promotion to Director and he wants to be a farmer?! But I say "Like with corn?" and he says "And pumpkins and watermelon". Clearly - he has given this a lot of thought. "Oh - okay" I say as I return to the kitchen to quietly mull over what could be going on with my normally sensible husband.

About 15 minutes later he comes to the kitchen and says "You can buy an outdoor room - right? A yard?" "For what dear?" "For my farm." And then I realize - he means for his Webkinz! Holy CRAP! All along I think he is talking about a MAJOR life change when really he has found a way to earn KinzCash on Webkinz... He grows fruit and veggies on Webkinz and sells them at the "W Shop"... THIS is what he meant when he said he wanted to be a farmer.

Huge sigh of relief...

Huge...