"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave?" -Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) You've Got Mail
I have actually watched other movies besides this one - this one just has so many quotes that I adore. Anyway - I have decided that I have been cheating myself all along and really it doesn't matter anymore whose fault it is because at the end of the day there is good news and there is bad news. The good news is that I am the only one who can fix it and the bad news is that I am the only one who can fix it. Just me. Little old me. I have to require more of myself. I have to be brave.
Now - I know that there are people who will read this and laugh wondering how I can possibly consider a career change to be brave. I can tell you - it is scary. Maybe just for me but I suspect that there are many people too afraid to make things right in their own lives. For me it means that I have to look at myself with the kind of honesty that typically stops my heart if only for a moment. It means I have to actually appreciate that which is good about me - that which has value. That which I typically shove down into some dark little corner and ignore because it is so damn demanding. But I am ready. I owe it to myself - not just myself but to my husband and to my son. They deserve a whole me - the best me available. Not this version I have become.
And so I shall be brave. I will learn that even unintentional false modesty is just another for m of lying and the most honest approach I can take is to assess myself fairly - as though I were assessing pretty much anyone else. Fairly and with integrity.
I swear I can do this.
windows and mirrors
2 days ago