I promise not to turn this into a weight loss blog...

But - you need to indulge me a post on the subject at least occasionally...

Those of you who know me well and for a long time know that I have been running from the fat girl for a long long time. All my life as a matter of fact. Kicked that beyotch to the curb about a decade ago - but the pregnancy changed the game for me. Mind you - I am not blaming my current status solely on an event that occurred eight years ago. I have gone through different mindsets on this subject ranging from "who cares" to "maniacal obsessive" - none of it has served me well.

So I go back in time and revisit what I did to lose the weight originally. Raise your hand if you know what the answer is. Yes - that's right. Weight Watchers. BUT (and this is a big but - pun intended, LOL) it was PRE-POINTS!!! I loathe this 1-2-3 B.S. and everything that has come since. I have tried on three separate occasions to lose weight this way and for reasons unknown to me - points don't work for me. I liked the old exchange system... I don't remember the fancy-pants marketing term for it. but it was circa 1996. I spent a fair amount of time on-line last night trying to dig something up from that time period. Some luck - but what I did find was some information on TOPS (take off pounds sensibly). Guess what they offer??? (well - besides affordable meetings that are held at a time that I can not attend) An exchange system! YAY! So I downloaded their materials (doesn't say anywhere that I can't). And have just survived day one. Rather well, I might add. Never mind that I am pretty hungry right now - but - that really shouldn't be surprising. I walked for about a half an hour as well. That was the other part of my success before - I walked A.LOT. So I went out and bought sneakers today. And I walked. And now I feel like I got hit with a Mac Truck - but I am hoping it will get better... with time. That whole exercise gives you energy thing?? Doesn't work. Not in my universe.

So - the gig is I want to lose 61 pounds. Doctors would tell me I "need" to loose about hmmm - probably closer to 80 but I figure if they want to live my life they can pay my rent - 61 is just fine with me. At the end of the day - 55 or even 50 may be fine with me too - we shall see when we get there. I am NOT going to have that "last ten pounds" frustrate me into giving up completely and gaining it all back - been there. Done that. NOT happening again. Skinny is not on my wishlist.

You can watch my progress at the bottom of the blog - there is a little tracker. I reserve the right to rant when I need to - but I will be careful not to go on and on and on about this here. I know what a colossal bore that can be.

Okay - thanks for listening... Encouragement is appreciated. :D

The one about Lipstick Jungle and reflections on friendship and life.

This morning while watching Lipstick Jungle (three cheers for DVR!), it dawned on me how very odd it is that I love this show so much. I can't relate to these women on.any.level. They spend more on one outfit than I spend on clothes in a decade, they are driven career women, they obviously feel quite at home in "the city" and they all adore and trust each other. This is by far my biggest sticking point. I don't have girlfriends.

I have mentioned before that I prefer the company of men and while there is some real truth in that statement, it doesn't take away from the real truth. Oh.. what IS that truth you ask?? That truth is that I know that a friendship - a REAL friendship with a woman - will never work. I give up before it starts. I look for trouble to reinforce this idea along the way. I make excuses. There are some very valid reasons for this - and I won't get into it here, but suffice it to say that I have been badly burned by women claiming to be my friends, and I just don't see any reason to allow the possibility of that happening again.

I see women opening up to each other and sharing and relying on each other for advice and support - and I am so envious I almost puke. And then I remember the flip side of that is the kind of vulnerability that I just am terrified of. Once a woman knows so much about you, she can use it against you. And my experience is that she usually does. Say what you will about men, but I have never been betrayed when I have confided in a man. Ever. Women "sell" themselves as loyal, all these "girlfriends" mugs and keychains - but men really ARE loyal as friends.

Which brings me back to this show... I think we buy into it all - and we may even be able to admit that we want it. At the end of the day it takes a lot of patience and courage not just to be a friend but to allow others to be your friend. Sometimes I think I have that kind of patience and courage. And then I realize - I don't. Not yet. Maybe never.

Oh yeah - and I am SO glad that Victory and Joe are back together and I think Shane is acting like an ass.

Violins, Toasters, Diet Ads and Soulmates...

Yesterday we had our friends and family pot-luck brunch... it would seem the fates were smiling on us because in the past, we held our brunch on The SUNDAY before Christmas - had we stuck to THAT policy THIS year, Mother Nature would have stolen our show. As it turns out - we changed to Saturday this year and the show went on in spite of CrabbyWhineySIL calling out.

A good time was had by all! My mother played piano, TalentedMusicianFriend (who is the wife of PirateTeacherFriend) played violin and we all tried to sing - only TalentedMusicianFriend actually succeeded, LOL... But it was incredibly fun and I felt that we honored my grandfather by reviving our singing tradition. We were blessed with an abundant supply of delicious food (If ANYONE has any suggestions on what to do with leftover bagels, I am all ears!) and finally opened and shared the $200 bottle of tequila which was given to Ron by his ex-boss in like 1998 or so...

After everyone else left, close friends Anthony (Ron't lifelong friend) and Alison (Anthony's wife) remained - until 10 pm - and we got to talking about many many things. One thing that was decided was that no one makes a decent toaster. We don't even care how much it is - but we want to be assured of consistently being rewarded with perfect toast every time. Even if there is only a minute in between toastings. We have a Krups toaster which I proudly and confidently purchased a few years ago for approximately $60. A name like Krups - SURELY it has to be decent - right!??! WRONG!!!!! It toasts only the top half of the bread. AND as a special bonus, if you make more than one round of toast consecutively the second person will receive only burnt offerings. Is it really too much to ask for a small appliance that will toast evenly? We can watch movies on devices we hold in our hands, we can record and pause live TV, we have little devices that give us directions - but NO ONE can make a decent toaster?? Maybe I should write a letter to Steve Jobs. I am sure the iToast would look great AND work perfectly. Wonder if he would consider it?!

Moving forward... soulmates. I wonder how many of you believe in the concept of a soulmate, or I am told more accurately phrased as a twin flame... the other half of your own soul - you only have one - you spend your life looking for this person... blah blah blah... you know what I am talking about. Please take my poll on the right. I can't tell how you voted. It isn't that sophisticated of a system... just vote. Don't be so paranoid! I will blog about this later.

Yesterday I watched TaiChiInstructorFriend and his daughter pull out of my driveway. I won't see them again until they return from Brazil the first week of January - I felt a pang of anxiety - and feel it still when I think of them being gone. Godspeed, friends. I will sincerely miss you while you are away...

Finally - I have to mention that I used to really like evite - and I still like the IDEA of evite - but I doubt I will use them again. Too many ads... for DIETS! What is UP with that?? The juxtaposition of ads for Weight Watchers and my pot-luck brunch is reinforcing of my idea that the holiday season is mostly to keep the diet-industry afloat. Fatten 'em up, then make them wildly paranoid about bathing suit season! Brilliant! Mwahhhahaha! Evil maniacal SOB's. But that is a rant for another day. I digress - bottom line, I am investigating other on-line invites - right now purpletrail is looking pretty sweet... have YOU got a favorite??

Happy Holidays my friends... happy holidays!

Sometimes small things make you a hero.

Yesterday I was blessed with the opportunity to be a hero. Mind you, in a million years I never thought that covering P.E. would make everyone think I am so fabulous, LOL! I was supposed to sub fourth grade - BUT the teacher booked two subs... she booked the other sub in September but had forgotten. After ample apologies from her (hey - accidents happen) I went to the office to see if I was needed anywhere - sure enough, they needed a PE sub in the other building. I rolled my eyes, chuckled a little and accepted.

On the way over, I realized that since that school starts earlier, one class already missed PE. When I arrived, I told the secretary that if that teacher wanted her planning period back I would be happy to help her out with that - she was welcome to send her kids to me during my free period.

You would have thought I gave her a million dollars... (maybe the next time I am loud when I sub for PirateTeacherFriend she will refrain from scolding me) but seriously - what was I going to do with a free period? Other teachers found out what I did and I was bombarded all day with accolades - which is super-nice, but honestly, I felt sad that any other sub wouldn't have done the same thing...

It was second and third grade PE - and I was happy that I always carry my whistle, that's for sure - Even I would have had a hard time yelling over them to get their attention). I also had a ton more fun than I thought I would, certainly more fun than I had subbing for 4th, 5th and 6th grade PE!

You know when you go out to dinner for your birthday...

...And they dress in funny outfits and sing embarrassing songs loudly so that the whole restaurant looks at you? Well that didn't happen... GMOM did manage to alert the pianist (I just like saying that...) to the fact that we were celebrating my birthday so he did play happy birthday and sing to me... but it was nice and not ridiculously embarrassing,..

Then there was the part where GMOM spilled iced cold water down my shirt (Hello!) and Mr.GMOM decided to let the comedian know that it was my birthday... yes. Thanks so much for THAT!!! It actually was a very good time, and I feel very blessed to have such wonderful friends.

This does, actually, conclude my birthday celebration for 2008. It began on Thanksgiving. My mom and my aunt gifted me at that time... I had a little cake... Ron made me a pie last weekend! (There are pictures somewhere for that, but they aren't on the photo server yet - so we shall have to be patient) Many people wished me happy birthday on facebook as well. And everything concluded last evening in the company of some excellent friends. It was a very nice celebration this year.

Thanks so much to everyone -

And now... a little humor.

(REAL little...)

A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up."

Right away, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Badadum.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'll be here all week...