CLICK HERE FOR THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES »

14 March 2008

A plea from a Man's Woman...


"You're a man's woman. You hate women and they hate you." - Kramer to Elaine on Seinfeld

Okay - so maybe "hate" is too strong of a word. I don't hate women. I don't think they actually "hate" me either - more like "tolerate" me... Men are just so much easier to hang out with. They are usually more relaxed, and less concerned about how fat my ass looks in a pair of jeans or what I must have said to myself to make me think my hair looks okay on a day when clearly it looks like hell. I have always found it easier to be my genuine self in the company of men. Women generally find me too crass, too outspoken. I usually feel like I have to walk on eggshells in the company of women. I suspect most men feel that way too. It isn't relaxing and it damn sure isn't "fun".

As women we could learn a lot from men, if we could just put aside our smug sense of self-satisfaction long enough to really watch how they interact. You will never, for instance, hear a man hang up the phone after talking to a friend say "I wonder what he meant by that?". Guess why? Because his friend probably said something like "Hey. You wanna give me hand with some drywall on Saturday" to which he probably said "sure" and that was the end of that conversation. Nothing to read into other than the unspoken agreement that beer would follow said drywall manipulation.

As women, we KNOW that women usually have something else on their mind. Some hidden agenda. They want something else of us, expect it and heaven help us if we don't figure out what it is. Who has time for that? This is just one example of why it is easier to spend time with men. (Unless of course you expect them to read into what you are saying.) There are different rules in the man-universe. If you want to hang there, you have to follow them and understand that they are operating under the same assumption. Here are the rules... are you ready? 1) Say what you mean. 2) Mean what you say. That's it.

I have a few female friends. They are a rare breed. They are not demanding. They "get" me. They don't expect me to be sweet and demure. They understand that I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth. They seem to understand that I am not a very good girlfriend. Sure - I like girl things. I like a pedicure just like any other red-blooded American girl. I like to shop - a little - probably less than the average woman. I care about how I look. But at the end of the day, I would rather hang out with the guys, relaxing, shooting the shit and not afraid of a good dirty joke now and then and yes, I still find fart noises mildly amusing.

So what? You may ask. Who cares? In truth, no one should. But some have a problem with the idea that men and women can be friends. Usually it is wives or girlfriends of the men with whom I am friendly. Now look... Here is the thing. I HAVE a man. I actually have a pretty damn fantastic man - what in the name of heaven would I want with YOURS??? You would think that grown women would be secure enough in themselves to not fret about their husband having a woman friend... maybe they think it can't be done - perhaps they have seen "When Harry Met Sally" too many times and actually buy into that antiquated crap about men and women not being able to be friends...

WAKE UP SISTAHS!!!!

Our friends at Psychology Today tell us ""The belief that men and women can't be friends comes from another era in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and the only way they could get together was for romance," explained Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in Valley Stream, New York. "Now they work together and share sports interests and socialize together." This cultural shift has encouraged psychologists, sociologists and communications experts to put forth a new message: Though it may be tricky, men and women can successfully become close friends. What's more, there are good reasons for them to do so."

I write this on behalf of all man's-woman women (MW Women). Everyone has to ease up about this whole issue. Some of us just enjoy the company of men. That is never going to change. Does it mean we are out to accumulate a collection like you might collect plates? No. It most certainly does not.

Most of us already have a man. We don't want (or need) another. One is plenty. Some of us may not have one, that sure doesn't mean we want yours either. We just like to hang with the guys. We want to talk about cars or sports at the party, not spend our time whispering catty back-stabbing nuggets of gossip about the other gals or exchanging corn-bread recipes. Relax. And remember: MW Women are NOT out to get your man. We are just friends. Got it? Good. Now - let's move on...

12 comments:

Frog said...

Okay, so here's the spanner I'm throwing into your works....

Too many men that have had female friends have been unfaithful because the opportunity has arisen (pun not intended) - ergo too many women are paranoid about their men having female friends. I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong here - I much prefer the company of women, but I'm a terrible flirt (as are a lot of us!!)... now if an innocent flirt (i.e. "my that's a nice pear") gets an equally flirtatious response (i.e. "yes, and they're all natural!!"), one thing could lead to another (not that it would with me - I'm definitely a one woman man!)... and that 'thought' is what screws most people up IMO - the thought that their man could be flirting with another woman when they have no business to do so!!

Did that make any sense?

Frog said...

Here's a better example.

Why do most birds (the flying kind) stay away from humans? Because they know of too many other birds getting shot and eaten!!

Yeah, maybe not.....

Frog said...

You are right though!

DaisyBug said...

Okay - well what is the number at which one is to be concerned... more and more men are discovering they are gay and are cheating on their wives with men... so should wives be all nutsy cookers about that too now? If not now - at which point? How can we tell? Look - the bottom line is how confident are you in you? If you are being the best wife you are capable of being - then you needn't worry - and you know (at least I do from personal experience) sometimes it doesn't matter what you do - sometimes they will cheat anyway. And guess what - there is nothing you can do about it. You can't hold on to something or someone that wants to go, Frog. You can only love them while you have them.

Michael Joyce said...

Great blog Daisy-
I'll admit that I've bought into the whole "When Harry Met Sally" movie a bit too much. But guys... especially guys can see a lot of truth in it. It's not something we advertise but is what we feel in our gut. Now would we cheat?.. that depends on the man. I definately have enough self control... but then again, I feel myself forming less relationships with females because "why invite temptation" (even if you don't react to it)? Good topic...and one that I can talk about much longer...except that right now I have to hit the sack. Sweet dreams!

DaisyBug said...

But you have t have a willing partner... A true MW Woman is not going to let you "go there". The last thing we need or want is entanglements. We just like guy friends.

I am learning here that the problem amy in fact not be women - but men. Sad. Guess I shall have to stick with unattached men for friends. Not easy to find... and sad really...

JUST.FRIENDS

Doesn't that mean anything to ANYONE?

:(

Frog said...

I can tell you this. It means a lot to me that you're my friend! I think if we were neighbors I'd be coming over for chai tea (or even Tai Chi!) on a regular basis :)

DaisyBug said...

And I would be just thrilled to have you, Froggy! I would come to YOUR house to play Wii... :D

Frog said...

Have you heard of the new game called Wii sex? (Google it ;) )

BTW, you know your blog is popular when it gets hit with viral spam !!

DaisyBug said...

You know you're popular if you get a virus? How's that again? ;) LOL...

Yeah - good thing I pay attention, right?

Wii sex, eh? Hmmm - I was thinking of bowling, but you never know!

mindicherry said...

I'm catching up on my blogs and I love this post.

If you remember, I wrote something similar at the beginning of the year (the one where I basically got called a whore at Bunco Night because I have a male friend that I like to hang out with).

Methinks you and I would get along very well in real life! I have little tolerance for mose women as well and usually prefer to hang out with the husbands!

Michael Joyce said...

gotta comment one last time. Out of the blue, my girlfriend wrote a post very similar to this one. Check it out when you get a free moment.
http://jennypruna.wordpress.com