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05 April 2008

What to do...


Okay - so I have a facebook account. I hardly ever use it - for reasons unknown to me I decided to poke around a bit today and stumbled across someone... the dilemma I face is - do I reach out??

This someone was my BFF (obviously not but so I thought at the time) in HS. We were inseparable, We were in band together - chorus, theatre - I called her Boo-Boo and she called me Yogi. We were very tight. In HS I was - hmmm, what is the right word... obsessed? Possibly - but let's go with interested in someone - everyone knew it. I would have done anything to have gone out with him - we were friends - but that is all - I really felt for a very VERY long time that I loved this person. (THAT is a story for another day)

After HS - Boo-Boo and I drifted apart. She was a year behind me - that likely had more to do with it than anything else. One day I found out she was very seriously involved with aforementioned object of my affection. Some speculated they might even marry. No one understood why this upset me and hurt me in strong, profound ways, except my wonderfully perceptive grandfather. My heart split in two. Shriveled up like a raisin. I never spoke to her again. Not directly. Not indirectly.

So I found Boo-Boo on facebook today - and I wonder - should I reach out to her? On one hand - it is almost 25 years ago. I am obviously no longer interested in former love object. No harm no foul - right? I mean - I would be proving that I am over it. Or WOULD I be? Would I just be opening up old wounds? Going back is not something I do. I shut the door - I NEVER go back. EVER. It is just how I am. I am not one of those people who can be friends with ex's... You hurt me? You don't get a chance to do it again. I am not bitter - but I also am not stupid. It is emotional self defense...

So - what say you bloggy friends?? Reach out or let it be???

9 comments:

GMOM said...

I feel it depends upon your former BFF. How do you think she will respond? Will she be happy to hear from you? If you think so, it may be worth a try. On classmates.com my BFF from high school sent me an email and it really made my day. We also had a falling out when we were both in college and never spoke since then. I've actually thought of her often and wondered how she was. We are now email buddies. It depends on 1)If you don't get a positive response, will you be hurt? If so, you really should think twice about the contact. 2)Do you really miss the friendship? If so, is it worth the risk? Just something to consider.

DaisyBug said...

That's the thing. I really don't think I miss her. Maybe I do but I have convinced myself that I don't. She might not even like me now. I am a VERY different person than I was then. Maybe she is too.

You remember - I don't really like women - you and maybe three or four others IRL are the exception - and SHE is a big part of the reason why I suspect. I really honestly do not know.

Hope you are feeling better BTW - You sure sounded awful last night!!

GMOM said...

I feel honored to be one of the IRL women you like. With what she did, that would make any woman suspect of other women, especially at such a critical time in life. I am feeling better. Slept most of today and watched "Wifetime" as dh calls it. Hope to see you soon!

once upon a lifetime said...

Okay... I'll chime in. I have read your last paragraph several times and I think maybe you already know what to do. That is leave it be. Digging up old wounds aren't fun. Besides, in all honesty it's going to get you thinking about the old guy too, right? I say let it be. If she wants to find you & contact you, then maybe reconsider???

DaisyBug said...

You are right. I answered my own question. I am not so much worried about "The Old Guy" though. I decided a long LONG time ago there was no way that was ever going to happen. His window of opportunity has long since passed... like I said - when I close the door, I pretty much slam it shut.

iFred said...

Well, you know about my journey into the past, Daisy. The contact is still there and we correspond almost daily. I'm very happy with the way it has gone and it has answered many nagging questions that have been on my mind for all of these years.

I've determined that it will go no further than our current correspondence. If I could go back in time, perhaps I would do things differently - knowing what I know now - but there's no way to re-live the past. What is done is done, and usually for the best.

This experience has taught me that the way things worked out really was in my best interest. My feelings will never change, but I have come to accept the way things turned out as being best for me and my happiness in this life.

When that old familiar sadness comes over me these days, I just repeat to myself that what happened really was the best for me and that kind of helps to chase the blues away.

DaisyBug said...

Yes - Fred... You are right... :)

Michael Joyce said...

Hey Daisybug-
As your "blogging-world BFF", I'd like to offer you my two cents. There's three cirlces in your life: 1) Family Circle 2) Close Friends 3) Lesser Friends. I believe you have infinite space in tier 3. The people in tier 1 & 2 are what you should pour your heart into and by doing so, love and friendship will be returned. I don't know if your former HS friend will be able to work her way into tier 2 or not... but what about if she could? What about all the things you'd be missing out on if she "changed with you" and there's a like-ness there. That's what I don't know (but for you to try or not-to-try)...but what I do know is that we are not meant to be alone. I'm not talking about marriage... but in having tier 2 to help you glow.

DaisyBug said...

Thank you, Michael - I do appreciate a different perspective. I think though, that what you have instead made me realize is that my cup already runeth over - I am very lucky to have people in my life that care about me and that I care about - I don't feel like I am lacking in this area at all - so, why seek out a potential obligation that could possibly drain resources away from those who deserve it more... Does that make sense??