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26 May 2008

Alea iacta est


(tr: Latin: "The die has been cast")

Actually - not so much - not yet anyway. But in fewer than 48 hours I will have reached a personal "point of no return". I will offer my two weeks notice and resignation to the company I have worked for for the last dozen years. I will shut the door, close the chapter and move forward without having any real way of knowing how it will all turn out.

But - it is important that I do this. Important for me to finally stand up for myself. To let them know that it is not okay to threaten and cheapen people - particularly me. I need to allow myself the summer to heal and then dust myself off in the fall and begin again. This time maybe I will get it right. I will do something that makes my heart happy - that means something - that will be appreciated and valued. Maybe I will head back to college to get my certification - maybe I will end up teaching children with special needs. But what I know for sure is that I will wake up in the morning and fr the first time - maybe EVER - I will be proud of what I am doing. I believe I will like it and will be good at it - I will be relaxed and happy - and just the idea of this thrills me.

But first - I must get from here to there. I am pereseverating now - worrying whether they will tell me to hit the road immediately or shortly thereafter or torture me for the final two weeks. No matter. Three weeks from now - it will all be behind me.

4 comments:

Frog said...

My thoughts are with you - I'm sure this is the beginning of the rest of your life! Enjoy it, no matter how they react :)

GMOM said...

Good Luck! Just remember, you can't control how they react, but you can control how you react to their reaction. (How wordy was that?)

White Rose said...

This takes a lot of courage, I wish you the best and I wish we all could wake up and be proud of what we do. What a difference that would make in this world.

Marvin the Martian said...

Congratulations! Isn't it freeing, to be able to make the leap? Being ready to jump feels almost as good as the actual jump. I know it will turn out well!