26 May 2008
Alea iacta est
(tr: Latin: "The die has been cast")
Actually - not so much - not yet anyway. But in fewer than 48 hours I will have reached a personal "point of no return". I will offer my two weeks notice and resignation to the company I have worked for for the last dozen years. I will shut the door, close the chapter and move forward without having any real way of knowing how it will all turn out.
But - it is important that I do this. Important for me to finally stand up for myself. To let them know that it is not okay to threaten and cheapen people - particularly me. I need to allow myself the summer to heal and then dust myself off in the fall and begin again. This time maybe I will get it right. I will do something that makes my heart happy - that means something - that will be appreciated and valued. Maybe I will head back to college to get my certification - maybe I will end up teaching children with special needs. But what I know for sure is that I will wake up in the morning and fr the first time - maybe EVER - I will be proud of what I am doing. I believe I will like it and will be good at it - I will be relaxed and happy - and just the idea of this thrills me.
But first - I must get from here to there. I am pereseverating now - worrying whether they will tell me to hit the road immediately or shortly thereafter or torture me for the final two weeks. No matter. Three weeks from now - it will all be behind me.