Lightbulb Moment!

"One of the most important skills a father or mother can teach a girl is how t ask for more. Most women did not learn this lesson as children. Instead of asking for more, they indirectly ask for more by giving more and hoping someone will give back to them withouth their having to ask. This inability to ask directly prevents them from getting what they want in life and in their relationships."

from Children are from Heaven by John Gray PhD.

Oh.My.Gosh. I have read this book in spurts but not in order since before William was born. I love this book. My mother gave it to me and I just think it offers tremendous parenting advice. I never expected to receive any insight at all into myself. Lo and behold - there it is! In a nutshell! I am very much that person - I can advocate tirelessly for my son, make phone calls to get refunds for poor service on behalf of my husband - but heaven forbid I ask for anything for myself. This would explain why I have not received a raise in over eight years. This would explain a lot about me. The trick now, of course, is now that I know better I must do better.

I think I headed down that path yesterday when I called my boss and let him know my letter of resignation was on its way. He expressed that he was not surprised and did actually seem a little sad. But the important thing is that I made the call. I finally, after years of being taken for granted and being taken advantage of and never asking for a bloody thing - I finally did the right thing for myself. In spite of my heart pounding in my ears and my hands shaking profusely as I dialed the phone. I did it. I have to tell you - I feel very brave.

I resolve to be better at asking for what I need and for what I want. I will work on this.